I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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