That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
