I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
