i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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