dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
