She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
