At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize