you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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