You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
