No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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