just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
