bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
