Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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