FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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