So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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