Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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