"it" just moved
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Found the puke drawer
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
