Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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