Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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