i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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