and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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