so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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