my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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