I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Randomize
