She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
