This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize