does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
