It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
