the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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