5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize