WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He kissed a someone with a penis
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
