I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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