there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
