at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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