this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
