On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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