Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
