i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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