put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
