literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize