dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Randomize
