well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
