new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
