he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
