So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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