also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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