i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
