My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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