yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
