a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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