what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Congratulations! We have a period
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