meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We have started to decorate penises.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
