I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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