He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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