I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
