me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
