It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
not ubering you a puppy
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
