so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
