still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
