Moan for me like Helen Keller
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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