Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
