Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize