remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
