I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
