Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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