Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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