how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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