Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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