WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
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