Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
