Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
