he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
