I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
