So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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