We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
