Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
