Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
