you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
