ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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