so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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