It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
