And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
