he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I puked a lego.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
