You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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