there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
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