While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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