can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
