If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
