it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize