It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
