okay pat passed out under dana's car
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
