I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
