if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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