Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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