So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
