He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
