he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
